Yesterday was a tears in the bathroom day.
Yes, lunch. Their 2nd meal of the day was being consumed 8 hours after they'd been given breakfast by my husband. See, Dear A is on vacation again. And it's painful for everyone.
Because this vacation exceeds her contract, it's unpaid leave. We have a friend of Dear A's watching the kids for us a few hours each day, and have arranged shortened work days/alternate hours to cover off the rest, but she's charging a higher hourly rate. Dear A's making less and we're paying more. Painful, sure, but something I had sorted out and accepted.
The pain I'd forgotten (or blocked out maybe?) was the insanity around having a new caregiver in the mix. For some reason, I was thinking, "Ok, 2 weeks, no biggie. The kids know her, she's recommended...." instead of "Ok, I now have to train a new nanny, learn how to best communicate with a new person, re-sort out the dynamics of 3 caregivers in the house and so on and so on...." This blank on my part has resulted in backwards diapers, a runaway dog and the aforementioned food-less day for my kids. That's the part that really got to me yesterday - when my air-eater kid finally breaks down and asks for lunch you know he's really, really hungry. Realizing that, I felt like a really shitty mom. And had to hide in the bathroom for a quick cry.