Trust vs Control: What's the Right Way to Let Go?

As part of my NannyEnabledWorkingMom (NEWMom) effort to let go of my mom guilt and reduce some of my burden during this pregnancy, I was trying to be less controlling. My basic theory: You can’t let go of the “I’ve abandoned my child” thoughts if you don’t trust your caregiver. And, since you’ve chosen your caregiver, you should be able to give up control with no worries, right?

Well, it backfired on me recently, this mantra. I discovered that Dear A took K, on the bus, to the far south west of the city (we live centrally) on an unplanned, and worse still, personal errand.

Once the “if something had happened, I wouldn’t have known where he was…” panic subsided, I realized that while I have to give up micro-managing. I can’t give up managing.

The only way this whole guilt-free NEWMom manifesto is going to work is if we’ve made our expectations, rules, and intentions clear before handing over our children.

When K was a baby, we had a daily journal for Dear A and me to compare notes on how many ounces of milk he consumed, how many dirty diapers etc. I don’t know that this approach is practical for an older child. Instead, I’ve decided to come up with an updated weekly sheet where I can jot down my few notes for each day and open up the dialogue again on K’s day to day.

Email me if you'd like a copy of my test sheet. I’d love your feedback, comments etc.

We'll see how this goes. In the meantime, I'm going to keep repeating my mantra....

Baby on Board or Let the Nanny Poaching Begin

About 5 months ago, I started telling people I was pregnant with Baby #2.

I got a lot of the expected responses: "Yay!" "Congrats!" "Figured!" (that one coming from any one of my friends who saw me turn down a drink) and one that I hadn't really expected,

"What are you doing with your nanny?"

I had expected people to ask about maternity leave, since I hadn't been eligible last time. But, the nanny question wasn't a segue into mat leave. It was most often asked with a eye-gleam that automatically made me want to hide Dear A in the basement...

Not that I should be surprised, right? I mean, I even wrote an article a few months back about the effect of changes to the Live In Caregiver program and how I thought it could result in this type of scenario. But I didn't think it would happen that fast.

So far I've been asked out to lunch or coffee 3 times for nanny-related conversation, plus another 3 email messages. In all of the situations people were looking for advice or info, but were also wondering if I'd be willing to share (lend out?) my nanny during my mat leave. I thought about it, but the paperwork and logistics just seemed too complicated and risky... so, here I am, about to give birth again and looking at a short mat leave (just 4 months before I start working part time) so that we can keep Dear A.

Its the right decision for us, because I enjoy my work, and really think K will adjust to his new sibling better if we don't rip his best friend out of his life at the same time, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit we were influenced by the changes to the Live in Caregiver program and the shortage of good affordable childcare in the city. At least, I hope its the right decision. Ask me in April?

I'm Baaack!

I'm sorry its been months since my last post. I've thought about you pretty regularly but between the pregnancy and work, I just felt like I didn't have the mental or physical energy to write the way I wanted. Its bothered me, upset me really, that I shut off one of my favorite things in life, an important outlet for me. Then recently, a very smart person said to me, "You are so backwards - if you shut down the things you like, that inspire you and give you energy, you feel worse! Don't be so hard on yourself. Write what you want, when you can." And, well, they were right. Instead of having this fun outlet for my thoughts and feelings and concerns, I was just stewing about them late at night. Dumb dumb dumb.

So, I'm back. I may not post consistently, but I'll share as much as I can as often as I can. Its not like life with nanny, and all its challenges, stopped during the past 5 months. Believe me I have a lot to share! Talk to you soon!

Working Mom and the Nanny Doppelganger

Nope, not the title of a comic book... just a slice of my life.

Despite the fact that the weather hasn't been great, I went through that whole Spring - Summer - need to tidy - thing again. Sorted out the closets, cupboards, freezer etc. It was a weird one for me this year, not just because its the first time in 5 years where we haven’t just moved or aren’t about to move, but because I came face to face with a new reality after this year's big purge:

I have a thinner, fitter doppelganger.

Basically, I finally gave up and gave everything that no longer fits me post-baby to Dear A. Now I regularly get to see some of my favorite old outfits on someone who can still pull them off. Annoying.

Maybe I'm just tired, you can probably tell by the frequency of my posts lately, things are busy at home and work, but its tough to see your favorite sweater and cute shoes heading to the park to hang with your favorite little man, while you drag your laptop to the airport for another business trip.

Ok, done complaining. Thanks for listening.

Hump Day Distraction - Me!!

Guess what? I wrote an article about K's dad and its been published over at Yummy Mummy Club. So, yes, today's post is kind of self serving, but hey, its my blog, technically the whole thing is self serving!

As you've likely seen on my blogroll, I follow the Yummy Mummy Club site. Its a funny, cheeky, all-encompassing look at life as a Yummy Mummy (or aspiring Yummy Mummy.) This month they are featuring articles written by and for modern fathers that reflect the changing tide in men's attitudes and actions, especially when it comes to Daddyhood. With K cared for by his dad on paternity leave during the first 7 months of his life, this topic is near and dear to my heart.

Before I loved having our nanny, I got to love being married to a Stay At Home Dad!

From my YummyMummyClub.ca article "Passing the Dad Test":

When we were dating, and I got that warm fuzzy feeling that my husband might be The One, I started doing what any normal Type A, uber-planner would do: I wondered what he’d be like as a dad.
Ok, I did more than wonder. I made a list of criteria and then tested him against them. (What? I like lists. Leave me alone.)  Anyway, my then boyfriend of 8 months measured up pretty well... (Read More)

 Happy Hump Day!

Post-vacation Hangover

We're back from our vacation, and I've nearly recovered from the post-vacation. Once we returned from Vancouver, I gave Dear A the rest of the week off.

Because my dear hubby was off doing army stuff, I had K to myself for 5 straight days. Day 1: Awesome. I missed him sooo much after a week away that even the tantrums were endearing. By Day 3 the novelty had worn off and I was trying to remember why leaving my parents in charge had seemed like such a good idea. While we were gone, the grandparents decided that K should have fresh cooked turkey sausage with his breakfast. Thanks for setting that bar Mom and Dad.... 2 days into toast and eggs with me and K was asking to call his grandparents first thing in the AM. I suspect, to cajole them into bringing him the good food.

Anyway, TGIM. Dear A's back and we're slowly getting K used to the fact that he has parents again.

*Photo Footnote: Unlike the grandparents, my brother and sister-in-law were the kind of babysitters I like. They roped K into child labour as soon as they got him!

In My Mind, I'm Much More Important

K woke up to his grandparents today.  Its Day 1 of our vacation, and K's home with his Didi (grandma) and Dadu (grandpa.)

I was so worried about K's potential morning meltdown that I wrapped up 6 surprises for him, one for each morning we're gone. Each bag is numbered, and I explained that when he opens #6, we'll come home. Inside the surprises range from a inflatable "Diego" to giant sunglasses. (Thank goodness for the Dollar Store!)

All that effort, time and care... for naught. K woke up this morning, asked for me, cried for about 20 seconds and then completely forgot about us when he got his bottle and Thomas the Train.

When I called home around 8:30am. He said "Hi Momma" and "Thank you, lub you." and then gave the phone back to his Dadu so he could finish breakfast.

I guess, that's that. I'm on vacation. K's fine with his grandparents and Dear A. Talk to you in a week!

Nanny vs. Granny

I just wrote a 3 page email to my mom. No, it wasn’t a tirade about some angsty part of our mother-daughter dynamic or a Hallmark-esque love letter. It was instructions - my parents are sleeping over this weekend, taking care of K, during Dear A’s hours off, while we attend a wedding out of town.

Yes, we had originally planned on taking K, and Dear A, with us. (Click here for a refresher.) Its turned out to be more of a grown up wedding and we couldn’t see the point of dragging K and Dear A with us, just to not see them all weekend.

Anyway, about a page and a half into my notes on how to turn on the Video On Demand for K's allotment of "Thomas the Tank Engine" and "Wonderpets," I realized how odd it was that my parents needed instructions for their own grandkid.

Friday’s FAQ – Drive By’d Nanny Returns

That ‘Drive-by Nannying’ came back to haunt us yesterday and brought with it an etiquette question to rival poor Laurie’s headache from a few weeks back.

About a month ago I wrote about an awkward Nanny Playdate where someone who’d used a Toronto agency brought their nanny by our house to meet Dear A and make friends.  (Click here for a refresher) I thought it was awkward then, little did I know….

At that point, I was trying to be big about it, thinking that they had come to me because I’m writing this blog, because I’d set myself up as an "expert". Turns out, that's not the case. They don’t follow the blog and I haven’t heard a peep from them since.

We did hear from the nanny though:

Hump Day Distraction - Kula Kilps for Skinnies

** SUPER EXTRA BONUS!! Kula Klips has just offered IWMN readers a 20% discount for the rest of May!! Enter 'sale20' as a promo code at checkout. Yippee!!**

My K is long and lean. I'm in awe of his ab muscles, you can't pinch an inch on the kid. I remember having that body type... waayy back when. Anyway, if you have a skinny kid, you've likely run into the whole flood pants vs low riders issue. K's pants are either too short or too baggy on the waist. Correction - they were! We now use the buckled belts from Kula Klips. They work really well and are super cute! I highly recommend them.

Sorry about the short post today. Work is crazy, we're about to leave on vacation and I used some of my magnificent but limited brain power to submit an article to The Yummy Mummy Club for June's Daddy Month.

Nanny Saves Mother's Day

I was feeling pretty sorry for myself today. Let’s just say the day involved way more work and arguing that I had envisioned. The Terrorist Twos are raging in our house.

Just before we were sitting down to a total cop out, feeling sorry for myself, fast-food dinner, our nanny, Dear A, came to wish me a happy Mother’s Day. She gave me a simple card that blew me away; inside, she thanked me for being a great friend, sister and mother to her.

WTFriday? Nanny and the $5000 pots

Today's Friday FAQ is more of a WTF?!! A reader passed on this little tidbit and I wanted to share:

Apparently, several nannies in our area have been solicited to buy $5000 cooking pots. While I'm not questioning the quality of the pots, I'm sure they're very shiny(?!) I was shocked that nannies are being convinced to lay down $145/month for 7....yes .....7 years for the set. 

In the News - What's a Stay at Home Mom (or Nanny?) Worth?

Interesting article in today's NYTimes.com critiquing Salary.com's annual press release evaluating the market value of a Mom:

Mother's Pay by Nancy Folbre, Economix

After the reading the article, the part that stuck with me - besides the headache I gave myself when I tried to figure out Ms Folbre's numbers and how that might work in Canadian dollars - is the intrinsic value provided by a parent or trusted caregiver. As a NEWMom I'm recognizing that the care, love, and attention Dear A,  K's dad and I provide for K is priceless, and this seems to resonate with a few readers of this blog too (see yesterday's post and comments.)

A few other takes on the article:
A Mother's Worth - The Mama Bee
Happy Mother's Day: Survey says moms worth six figures

The NEWMom Manifesto

Watch out world, I’m taking a stand! I’m claiming today the beginning of a NEWMom world! What’s a NEWMom you ask?

A NEWMom is a Nanny Enabled Working Mom. We’re not new, per se, but we’re living a new reality. We aren’t the flaky absent parents from Mary Poppins, or cute but clueless dads from The Nanny or Nanny McPhee. We are rich, 'comfortable', or struggling. We are married, single, divorced or somewhere in between. We are entrepreneurs, public servants, workerbees. We are working moms (and dads) who made the emotional and financial choice to hire a nanny for our kids in order to attain some semblance of work/life balance.

Why the new assertion? Honestly, I’m tired of the bullsh*t I’ve seen lately and don't want to perpetuate it.

Friday FAQ - Nanny Etiquette & Another Freebie

Today's FAQ comes from a comment left last week:

Q: I need your help with nanny etiquette. My nanny whom I adore very much recently stopped having playdates with one of the other nanny's in the neighborhood. Apparently a few other nannies in our neighborhood have stopped as well because she is too harsh with the kids & yells a lot. After hearing some of the comments she has made, I have to agree ("your daughter talks very well, not like these mutes I take care of"...in front of the 2 year olds!). I don't know the parents well at all, but should I say something or stay out of it?

My answer & a another great giveaway if you provide your opinion...

Facing That Worst Fear as a Mom

Bit of a serious post today folks... before you read, just know everything is fine.

I spent part of last weekend worried that someone had been 'interfering' with K. My worry stemmed from two incidences, but when my mom guilt brain put them together, I no longer saw coincidence, I started to see my worst fear. That some how, some way, while he was away from from me, someone had hurt my son.

The first thing was that K started to fight diaper changes. His reaction was beyond the usual "I don't want to stop playing Momma." This was real tears, real fear of something and a serious physical reaction to being put on his back, having his diaper taken off etc.

Hump Day Distraction - Online Reading List

Post Earth Day and as we face another tax bill, I'm feeling kind of non-consumerist (and cheap.) So, instead of online shopping today, I'm going to share a few of the sites I visit regularly for parenting lifestyle info:

lilsugar.com - I won't lie, I stumbled upon this while reading gossip on their sister site popsugar.com, but now I check lilsugar first. Its a great site for stories, products, and kid-related news articles.

parentdish.com - Similar to lilsugar, but parentdish extends to older kids and has great tips like games to play, recipes etc.

dinnerwithjulie.com - Julie doesn't offer parenting advice. What she does do is share a slice of her life, as a busy mom, journalist, cook and radio personality. Her recipes are deliciously approachable and her blog feels like your having a conversation with a neighbour or old school friend.

Big Shoes to Fill & Freebie Friday Winner

I practically kill myself on the weekends... trying to impress a 2yr old.

Zoo trips, backyard crafts, fun food - its not easy. He's not easily impressed anymore. You see, during the week he has a dedicated staff catering to his every whim. No one is dragging him to the grocery store or the bank or making him sit quietly in a restaurant. Instead he's at gym class, Kindermusik, story time or the park with his buddies. When he's hungry, thirsty or tired, there is someone there to assuage him that very minute. No one is asking him to wait two more minutes while they finish the laundry or dishes.

Calling it Freebie Friday

I'm extending yesterday's contest into today: Freebie Friday. One lucky reader will receive this vapur fold-able anti-bottle:

"Vapur is quite simply the most portable refillable water bottle on the planet. And by making tap water more portable, we hope to make bottled water obsolete. "

Leave me a comment about your nanny, nanny life, or my new blog design. I'll get Dear A to pick a number and that commenter (counting comments from today and yesterday) will win the bottle.

Contest closes midnight tonight, I'll post the winner on Monday.

Friday FAQ will return next week, Happy Friday!

Earth Day Giveaway - Win an Anti-Bottle!

I've got a present for you, in honour of Earth Day and to celebrate my shiny new site. One lucky reader will receive this vapur fold-able anti-bottle:


"Vapur is quite simply the most portable refillable water bottle on the planet. And by making tap water more portable, we hope to make bottled water obsolete. "

I loved this earth-friendly, purse-friendly, BPA-free product as soon as I saw it. I bought three for my family and one for you.

How to Win:

Leave me a comment about your nanny, nanny life, or my new blog design. I'll get Dear A to pick a number and that commenter will win the bottle. Pretty straight forward, but remember, 'Anonymous' won't get you anything.

Happy Earth Day, and thanks, as always, for reading!

Worms, Goats and Cupcakes - Happy Earth Day

I was trying to decide how to introduce Earth Day to K, and how Dear A could help, since she's with him all day. My husband suggested having them build a vermicompost, but a 2yr old and worms seemed like a bad idea to me. Visions of 'pet' worms sharing my bed and all that. 'Pets' got me thinking, would getting a pet goat, to eat the weeds and lawn in the backyard be considered going green? And where would one get such a goat? And, is there is group for Goats As Lawnmowers (GAL?) like the CLUCK coalition? And then I realized my thoughts had wandered waaaayyy past the initial goal...

Hump Day Distraction - My new site, of course

No need to look anywhere else folks, today's Hump Day Distraction is my shiny new blog!

Its nothing compared to 'proud baby' moments, but I'm pretty happy about it all coming together. Big cheers and Thank Yous to www.kathrynleeid.com for not just being a great artist, but also caring enough to ask the right questions.

All the technical stuff has left me exhausted, more nanny-related posting tomorrow. Stay tuned!

Life Moves Fast, Look Pretty?

In this blog, I tend to share a slice of our life, whatever interesting thing has happened with K, is dad, Dear A and me. I don’t often think to follow up on the aftermath, but I’m sure you get that. Life moves fast, especially with kids. (I wish my statement sounded as cool as Ferris Bueller's. So not.)

Anyway, today, I thought I'd update you:

PS – Toilet Training Derailed
K loves the potty. He loves to play with it, wear it on his head… fancy new Diego potty as enticement = Fail.

In the News - Discount Nannies in the US?

In Canada, we're dealing with changes to the live-in caregiver program that will increase recruitment and monthly costs. Apparently in the US, the soft economy has resulted in discount nannies.... Bigger question in my mind, should you be looking for discount childcare? Lets hit the poll - vote and leave your comments below!

Friday FAQ - What if I need more?

Today’s question comes from a reader who's juggling work demands, home stuff and childcare. Sounds familiar right?

Q: A couple of my friends with nanny's and I have been asking the same thing. If we need our nanny to work more then the 44 hours a week consistently - what is the best way to do it? I'm not talking the odd Friday night babysitting gig - but a consistent 50 hour a week or something like that? Many of us who work downtown have to leave by 6:30am to get home by 5pm.

A: I think you have to consider a couple of things in this situation. There’s the legal/employment laws aspect of course, but also your relationship with your nanny.

In Case of Emergency and Nanny

A nearby city was in dire straits today. A winter storm swept in last night, knocked out power, closed roads and schools and even affected the water supply. Scary stuff.

We don't live in a particularly tornado/earthquake/flood ridden area, so I hadn't given much thought to emergency scenarios. We have some bottled water, granola bars, and I bought an 'emergency pack' from Costco a few years ago that is stored somewhere safe. (By safe, I mean, I have no idea where it is.) Besides arguing with my husband about the need for a firearm in case of total anarchy, (his scenario, not mine)  we've never discussed what we'd do as a family. And now, that family includes Dear A, who may be watching K when something goes down.

So, now, with input from K's dad who's all army and such, here's my plan:

Hump Day Distraction - Footie Pajamas

Its grey and cold outside and I've been trying to focus, sit still, and read through thirty technical reports. Worst Hump Day plan ever. I keep imagining how much better everything would be if I was wearing these:

I bought some for a friend as a gift, and am now totally wishing I had treated myself too. Good news is, not only are the PJs fantastic but Pajama City also has super customer service. First, the PJs arrived with a pre-printed returns form, in case you need another size, with no re-stocking fee and a price guarantee. Then, I got an email saying they were refunding $1.80 in shipping charges, because it cost less to ship than they thought. $1.80 isn't a huge refund, but that's kind of the point. They could have kept it, but didn't.
Anyway, I've decided all of this has definitely earned them repeat business, it would only be right for me to buy myself a pair now. Right? ;-)

He Likes Me, He Really Likes Me!

K cries when people leave him. He cries when we drop his aunt and uncle off after carpooling to family dinner. He cries when his grandparents head for the door after a quick visit. Most of all, K cries (bawls) when Dear A is done for the day. Huge tears, lots of pathetic “Nooo, my A. My AAAAA….” It’s extremely tragic and devastating.

The only farewell that doesn’t bring the tears each day is when we (Mommy and Daddy) leave for work. Equally tragic and devastating, but this time, for me.

He used to cry when we left and while most of me was relieved when he outgrew it, I can admit that part of me was sad. Add the histrionics everyone else gets on departure and lately it’s been a bit gutting.  But today, everything changed.

Friday FAQ - Nanny applying for Permanent Residency?

Today's FAQ is mine - Dear A is in the process of applying for Permanent Residency and asked me for help. This, as usual, led me to a bunch of research... and an emotional crack up.

Q: What happens when my nanny applies for Permanent Residency? Does it affect her contract with me? What do I have to provide?

A: Your nanny's application for Permanent Residency does not affect your employment contract with you. Conditions for termination of employment would still be the same as before. What Permanent Residency does do

In the News - Dollar Parity Benefits Your Nanny

While it seems that most foreign workers are watching the dollar closely, might not hurt to mention this to your nanny:

Strong loonie helps immigrant workers (from CBC News Calgary)
The strong Canadian dollar has immigrants in Calgary heading to banks and remittance companies to send money to their families overseas.

Nanny Playdate

We had a surprise visit last week. A newly arrived nanny was brought over to make friends with Dear A. It was a weird situation. While I don’t begrudge the new nanny a network of other Filipinos to make her life in this new country easier, through her employers 'drive-by nannying', I felt like some of that responsibility had been transferred to us. For me, its no problem. With this blog, I wanted friends, family, and strangers to have a place to go to for nanny-related stuff. Because Dear A didn't sign up for it, after the introductory 'play date', I took over. 

Dear A, of course was terrific. And, while it added a few tasks to my To Do list, it turned out fine. The new nanny was from the same area, so she was very comfortable talking to Dear A. I made a few calls and found another member of the community of the same religion, so she was able to attend Easter Sunday services and was invited to a party that evening. Connections made, problem solved.

It does highlight why its worth using a licensed, local agency rather than simply browsing online, though.

The new nanny was brought in using an agency in Toronto, not the one I used.  While our agent makes a point of introducing each nanny to a network of their peers, this nanny was left to meet her employer at the airport and had no connection to a community at all.

I would hope everyone would want their nanny to have interests and friends outside of the home. Other nannies are a great way to reach the local Filipino community, to understand Canadian culture and customs, and even trade childcare tips.

On that subject, the agency I used also offers ongoing ‘professional development’ for recruited nannies, and even extends courses to the parents. If you’re in Calgary, check out the sidebar for upcoming courses and go to www.nannyconnection.ca for more information.

And my tips if you're not in Calgary:*

1. Find out if your area has a Filipino community association
2. Help your nanny find a source for Filipino groceries or food
3. If she's religious, help your nanny find a nearby church

Pretty basic stuff, but worth mentioning IMHO.

* I'm specifying the Filipino community because my nanny is Filipino, but I would think this would apply to any foreign worker. And, as always, today’s tip content is offered as information only. Please conduct your own research or consult a professional for advice on your personal situation.

In the News - Some Good News for Parent Guilt

A New York Times online article reports

"that the amount of child care time spent by parents at all income levels — and especially those with a college education — has risen “dramatically” since the mid-1990s."

Now that's the kind of news I like to read!

Hump Day Distraction - Dollar Parity Shopping!

The Canadian dollar hit par with the US dollar yesterday, and is likely going to stay nice and snug to it for the days to come... do you need a better reason to shop online? I don't. I have a few stores I save for this special occasion:

Urban Baby Runway - stocks the coolest kid clothes ever. Seriously, they have an infant fedora.

Nini and Loli - stocks smart and unique stuff, like a puppet cutlery set. Who doesn't need a cutlery set that doubles as puppets?

And, for me: Shop Intuition - stocks the latest trendy accessories and even lists items by 'as seen on so and so celebrity'. The store to hit if you want those amazing sunglasses Nicole Richie was wearing last week.

Guilty pleasures indeed!

Celebrating Springy Easter!

Thank you readers for your comments about my last Easter post. With your advice, I've decided to embrace it as a way to celebrate Spring. Dear A and K made their traditional holiday greeting card for us, decorated with eggs and bunnies this time, and spent time reading Easter books, religious and non-, from the library.

For my part, I decided K should help me make an Easter/Spring treat for his friends and family. I’d read a few recipes for edible nests that you can fill with eggs, lovely delicate concoctions made out of shredded phyllo…lovely, but not particular manageable as a toddler craft.

Instead, K and I went with rice krispie treats. We used the same process as the fancy ones, shaping into nests using muffin tins. I think they turned out great, and K definitely got the whole eggs come from nests thing. He’s a bit confused about what kind of chicken lays chocolate eggs, but who isn’t!

Happy Springy Easter to you all!

iPhone Apps and Friday FAQ - Visas for Vacationing Nannies?

Sorry for the lack of posts this week, work got the best of me. To make up for it, today's post is two in one - Hump Day Distraction and Friday FAQ. And, stay tuned tomorrow for my Easter update.

My online distraction right now is iPhone Apps. A few I can recommend for distracting 2 year olds:

• Pre School Music, $0.99 - Four games in one, your toddler can tap on fish and change them to other animals, tap to make sheep sing, play a piano, or tap birds to sing in a round.
• Adams's Art Coloring, $1.99 - White and black canvasses, plus "coloring book" images, and the option to 'save' your kid's arts on a refrigerator.

I'm sure there are tons more. If you have a favorite, share it in the comments please! Now on to the FAQ:

Friday FAQuestion from a reader:
I know your nanny went home recently and I have a question - did 
she need to
 apply for a reentry visa or anything ahead of time? (Our nanny) is going home in June so I want to make sure all our ducks are in a row so she can come back here easily. She has a valid Visa and passport.

My Answer, verified by Dear A:
She didn't need a re-entry visa. We provide a letter of support that she takes with her along with her work permit, passport and this year she also took her H1N1 vaccination paperwork because another nanny mentioned they asked her about it in Hong Kong in transit.

The Letter of Support I used:

Toilet Train Derailed

I’ve been avoiding toilet training. I’ve been going through the motions – bought a potty, training pants, books for K, and me. I've done just enough not to be labeled a total dead-beat mom, but I haven’t really committed. And so, of course, neither has K.

I haven't committed because, I have no idea what I’m doing. And, I have no idea how to toilet train as a team sport. Dear A has never toilet trained a child. So, I’m facing educating myself, educating her and then tackling K.

Part of me is hoping he'll just figure it out, while I’m trying to figure it out. Should I take time off and just make him go cold turkey, or continue the slower approach but put Dear A in charge? Is it a bad idea to try this a month before a road trip? Is K even ready? Am I?

Am I? That’s another issue. K sleeps in a crib/daybed and is still in diapers. I think part of me wants him to stay my baby.

Argh!!! I’d appreciate advice on all of this. Or, if you’d like to come stay for a week and toilet train K, I’d appreciate that too.

Guardian Nanny

Because I have a nanny, I’m of course interested in stories about nannies in the news. Last week in Kentucky, a nanny ran through fire to save the little boy she cares for.

It reminded me of the heartbreaking story of Moishe Zvi whose parents were murdered by terrorist during the November 2008 attacks on Mumbai. His Indian nanny, Sandra Samuels, saved Moishe’s life and ended up moving to Israel to stay with him.
 
Both stories really hit on something I truly believe. Nannies are unique in the domestic employment world. An integral part of their job is to love their charges. Think about that…. People love their jobs, sure, but not like this.

Then, I got to thinking about parents dying and guardianship of your kids. Never pleasant, but its something every parent needs to consider. We’ve worked out guardianship for K, and did include instructions and finances recommending that Dear A stay in K’s life, but I never considered giving Dear A any rights.  I’m wondering if this should be considered? Vote in the poll or comment below!

Nanny and the Easter Bunny

I feel like a bit of a heel today. I'm not sure if I actually offended Dear A. I definitely came across as kind of ignorant. Which I am…. especially when it comes to religion.

If pressed to qualify, I’m a Hindu. K’s daddy is Anglican and K, like everything else in his life is both. We’re mostly non-practicing, though. We don’t go to church regularly or address anyone specifically in our prayers. Dear A, on the other hand, is a practicing Catholic. She attends church every Sunday, and is very strong in her faith.

According to the retail calendar, its Easter. All the commercials and in store displays got me thinking about themes for crafts, so I asked Dear A to help K pick out some library books about Easter. Then I clarified, “Books about the Easter bunny.” While I didn’t actually say “No Jesus books please,” I still feel like a heel.

Friday FAQ - Employment Contracts Follow Up

Just a quick follow up today, to the whole live-in caregiver policy change situation.

Along with the changes that I mentioned in my previous blog posts, Citizenship and Immigration Canada has now posted a template for the new suggested employment contract.

Again, if you already have a live-in caregiver with a valid work permit, who was brought in on a previous LMO, you don't need to use this contract. But it couldn't hurt to follow their standards right?


Please note today’s FAQ content is offered as information only, and relates only to Canadian regulations. Please conduct your own research or consult a professional for advice on your personal situation.

Don't Leave Home Without Her - Nanny on Vacation

We're breaking new ground, taking Dear A on vacation with us, and as usual, I am worrying about how it will work.

We're travelling to Vancouver for a wedding and I've asked Dear A to care for K on the nights when events don't include children. We had planned to pay for her flight, but she is instead taking some extra vacation days and using her Air Miles. It works out well for Dear A because she has to travel to Vancouver to renew her passport. Our vacation plans saved her from having to wait in line for two days this weekend, unlike 5000 other Filipinos in Alberta.

Anyway, we've never travelled together so I'm trying to work through the intricacies of the situation. Here's what I've got sorted so far:

Hump Day Distraction - Bookshelf Paintings

Today's distraction is an artist I first saw when she was featured on the 20x200 website.*

Jane Mount's drawing instantly transported me to my happy memories of reading the books she had drawn so perfectly. I immediately purchased a limited edition print for K's room. A few months later, with two baby showers impending, I looked up her work and purchased two more prints for friends. And its not just baby books, there are shelves of cook books, existentialist prose, and Ms Mount also does custom paintings. See more of her work on her website.

*I guess its a double distraction today, because you could also spend time checking out the 20x200 project. 20x200 is the brainchild of a NY gallery owner who wanted to see high-quality artwork become accessible and affordable. They release limited edition prints weekly, 200 for $20.

Most Ridiculous Use of a PhD

A psychatrist in the UK recently published a book in which he claims, '

Baby boys who have a nanny 'turn into womanisers'

Yup. My thoughts echo yours. Because the article was from the Telegraph UK, I thought it was a joke, but then I found the book, ironically titled, "An Unsolicited Gift" by Dennis Friedman on amazon.com.

No joke, but made me wonder, is this the new excuse for bad behaviour? Did Tiger Woods have a nanny?

Friday FAQ - Recapping Trips and Fines

This Friday, I'm going back to my questions - the polls. I'm still getting the hang of blogging, and blog gadgets in particular. I haven't figured out how to archive polls. Until I do, I thought I'd recap and share the results in a post.

In the first poll I asked "Who should pay library fines?""Me, The Nanny, or Both Share," after learning that Dear A and Kiran had racked up quite a bill. In the end we had 11 responses:

• 8 for Me paying
• 3 for Sharing the fines and,
• 1 "Other" who suggested I set up a 'swear jar' for Potty-mouth K and garnish future allowance to pay the fines!

I have to admit, I wasn't really surprised by the results (other than the ingenious swear jar idea.) They pretty much reinforced my gut feelings. I'm going with it (you) and paying any fines incurred. I'm also keeping a closer eye on the book bag after Friday Story Time at the library. Especially last weeks, since K went with Daddy.

Foreign worker abuses on rise - Alberta

I posted an article a few days ago, from the US, about a school principal, who essentially coerced several Filipino teachers in buying make-up from her business, taking their credit card numbers and more. Today, there is an article closer to home. The Edmonton Journal is reporting that the NDP has found that foreign-worker abuses are on rise in Alberta. While this article doesn't detail explicit abuse like the Baltimore case, but it does bring up two things to note:

Firstly, the province is conducting inspections. In my experience, when this type of stuff hits the news, Ministry will increase the number of inspections etc. to show up the NDP critics.

More important, though, is the detail of violations:

Hump Day Distraction - Filipino Food - the next Asian hit?

Instead of online shopping, I thought I'd share a few recipe sites. I was inspired by an article in the LA Times a few weeks ago which explored how Filipino food has not fallen into favor with mainstream restaurants, despite the fact that several ‘hot’ LA chefs are Filipino.

It got me thinking if this will change as a generation of North Americans grow up with Filipino nannies. I’ve mentioned before that I’ve seen Filipino restaurants popping up in food courts, and recently saw a ‘Filipino’ Co-op in Innisfail, Alberta. I don’t think it will be too long before this influence is felt in our culinary world. Its fusion of Spanish and Asian flavours makes Filipino cuisine pretty approachable. It certainly is at our home. My little Chef K is a picky picky child when facing the typical breakfast and lunch, but he’s all over the flavourful, not very spicy Filipino stews.

Boss took advantage of Filipino employees

Schools took 'appropriate response' after investigation of principal - baltimoresun.com

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Be Aware of Nannies Bearing Gifts

Dear A is home! K was so excited he attempted a somersault and failed, I think mostly so he could solicit comfort and cuddles from her.

I was excited too! Not only did Dear A return on the first workday back after the daylight savings time, (AKA: worst way to start a work week ever) but she came bearing gifts: t-shirts for the boys and a “designer” purse for me. I love the presents, but always feel a little embarrassed to accept them because I know that Dear A has just spent a ton of her hard earned money at home.

You see, when a nanny goes home, she goes bearing gifts. Its expected, and she is usually also expected to foot the bills for any celebration, occasions, festivities while she is there. She’s the ‘rich’ North American now. It’s a cruel irony that even stops caregivers from going home. While they may have enough money to get home, the expenses when they get there can break the bank.
Dear A has a family wedding in a few months, and the miles to get there, but I know her other costs are a serious consideration.

Just another slice of the immigrant experience for you to know….

Nanny hits the Road

Dear A wants to get her driver’s license. In fact, she’s learning to drive in Manila, during her vacation.

I’m torn, as you can imagine, between the Pros: how nice it would be to have a nanny who drives, how great an accomplishment it is for Dear A, and the Cons: panic of worrying everyone’s personal safety, car accidents and costs.

Because we live in the inner city, having a nanny who drives isn’t as big a priority. Dear A and K are able to walk or take transit to parks, play dates, or the library without too much trouble. In fact, for K, the bus and train are as much fun as the end location. So, of course, the Cons are the ones filling my head:

Friday FAQ –If I already have a nanny, what happens with changes to the LCP?

My post about the recent changes to the Live-in Caregiver Program had quite a few of you asking me the same question:

"Does this affect me if I have a nanny already?"

More importantly, you’re wondering if we now have to pay health insurance and workplace safety insurance?

Well, I was wondering the same thing, so I went to the source to get some answers. After looking through the Human Resources and Skills Development Canada website and the Citizenship and Immigration Canada website to no avail, I called 1-800-O-CANADA and was referred to the Live-in Caregiver Program General Inquiries phone line (1-877-227-4577). Here are the answers I got:

Hump Day Distraction - Gifts for Your Nanny

Dear A’s been with us for almost 2 years now. We’ve celebrated 2 Christmases and 1 birthday with another birthday coming up soon. For each occasion, I try to get her something special. My list of a few Do s and a Don’t is below.

On a related note, I received a question from a blog reader and thought it would make a good poll topic. She asked:

"Should employers pay for a trip home every couple of years or not?"

I thought this was a great question because I'm sure, like me, many of you struggle with how to handle bonuses.